Being that it’s Sunday, I think a confessions-only post is à propos. Although I’m not Catholic, I went to an all-girls Catholic school so along with an excellent education, I received a healthy dose of guilt. Therefore, confessions are in order!
- We have tenants who live in the apartment above our garage. Technically, just Dave lives there, but his friend, Tom, pretty much lives there too. They kind of came with the place; we didn’t have to keep them, but thought “why not?” This decision came AFTER I researched the online sex-offenders registry… At first, Chris called Dave “Fonzie.” Not to his face, just in reference to him. As it turns out, he is no Fonzie. So I started referring to them as “Bert and Ernie.” Tom is tall with somewhat unruly eyebrows and Dave is short with somewhat unruly eyebrows. And they’re ambiguously gay. So “Bert and Ernie” have stuck, but I’m a little worried about Wren slipping one day and calling them Bert and Ernie. Who knows, those might be her first words!? So where is this going and what do I have to confess? Well, we get Ernie’s mail in our mailbox and then we take it back to the garage mail bin every day. Although this might be a federal offense, I sometimes recycle pieces of his junk mail before delivering it… Gasp! Just crap from Charter Cable and the local casinos, which exclaim on the front, “We miss you! Come back!” But still. And I don’t open it. Now I know that’s a federal offense so I don’t go there… whew.
- I read once that Jennifer Aniston takes a three-minute shower. I know she’s a lot thinner than I, but still. How is this even possible?! Every day, I look at the clock when I jump in the shower and I can never get out under eight minutes. And this is only when I choose not to shave. The green guilt is killing me! My only saving grace is that some days I never fit in a shower so maybe it all averages out and I have more in common with Jennifer Aniston than I thought?
- Speaking of green guilt… I know we could probably save some money on our heating bill and help out the planet if I wore long-underwear during the day and turned the thermostat down a couple degrees, but they make me feel fat so I don’t. Sigh.
- I promised myself that I would not feed Wren any processed foods, but now she eats oyster crackers every day. And they’re not even organic. The horror! But I LOVE to hear her crunch them – she’s a toothless wonder! It’s hilarious! Plus, she loves them and a 16 oz box is only $1.99. Moving on.
- Old Navy sells “skinny” jeans in a size 20. They were on sale last I checked. I wonder why. If you wear a size 20, do you think “skinny” jeans are a good idea? 90% of the people I see in “skinny” jeans should not be wearing them, myself included. In fact, that fad could not pass quickly enough.
- Speaking of fashion, I judge people who wear sweat pants out of the house. This is ridiculous coming from me because I rarely look “put together,” but I will not be caught in sweat pants at the grocery store. Yoga pants, yes. Cotton sweat pants, no. They flatter no one.
- I had no idea I could love something (someone!) as much as my little birdie, Wren. It scares me sometimes.
Dear readers, what confessions do you have this Sunday morning? By the way, you are forgiven.