The title of this post might more aptly be called “anxious” or maybe “worried” or during a few choice moments every day, “terrified.” I know people have more than one child every single day and still others have many more than just one child (take, for example, The Mom across the street with 13!) But lately just having ONE (feisty! strong-willed!) child seems like a lot. Today marks the 27th week, which means I’m really getting into the third trimester now. This also means that there are only about three months (plus some pocket change?) left until we welcome another little birdie to our nest. Yikes!
I’m not really worried about taking care of the new baby (although I should probably add that to the worry list, ahem) or even much about labor & delivery. Been there, done that… I’m mostly worried about, well, everything else. How will I have enough love for another child? How will I keep Wren from killing the new baby when she realizes it isn’t going away? How will I find time to continue my work? How will I be able to make healthy meals and keep the house in a *reasonable* state? How will I ever have time for Chris again? How will I go to the grocery store or run an errand with a baby attached to me and a toddler running for the hills?
Again, I know people do it all the time, but I just can’t really picture how it’s all going to look and feel. I guess this is part of the wonder and mystery of life’s unknowns. The unknowns that keep life interesting, worth getting up in the morning for. Good intentions go a long way, right? Say yes, please.
In the meantime, I’m nesting. It helps to devote the worried energy to practical things, no? I decided we just needed to paint the house right now because I couldn’t take the peeling paint anymore. Great timing, ha! Truth be told, I’m just trying out paint colors on the back of the house, but the process has begun. I’ve also been organizing and reorganizing the little birdie’s toys in some new-to-us bins that I found on Craigslist (thank you, stranger!) Already, she’s discovered toys that had been buried at the bottom of the old bins. It was totally worth it. On the cooking front, I made a big pot of split pea soup the other day. You know you have a pregnant brain when it’s 87 and humid and you decide that cooking a big pot of split pea soup sounds like a good idea. Yeah. I also made a huge batch of homemade granola bars in an effort to have healthier, not-from-a-bag snacks on hand. So it feels good to be creating things, cooking healthy meals, focusing on what we have control over now because I know pretty soon it will all be thrown up into the air. And hopefully some of it will be caught.
Have any tips, lovelies? Please and thank you.
i have no advice. i’m wondering how to do this myself considering i’m 36 weeks. how do people do this all the time? i’ll be checking back for some pearls. some grains of sand turned to wisdom that might help me feel better too. (and thanks for making me feel like i’m normal for having such anxiety.) *oh, and i’m here via blogstar*
Thanks for clicking in on me and for your understanding words, Krista!
So far, most people say that indeed it will be difficult, but it will click eventually. Operative word: eventually. Ha!
Your mothering skills will have inevitably cultivated your already-keen capacity to adapt. They will serve you well. Learn to fly by the seat of your pants, while clinging obsessively to your plans/schedule. The kids need boundaries and structure (emotionally and chronologically), but your ability to go with the flow will be your biggest asset. I’m developing my own line of fortune cookie fortunes. ;D And I will maybe LIVE this one day. There is no forecasting, no planning, honestly. It’s trust and determination that gets me through AND of course, learning to lean on those around me. It TOTALLY TAKES A VILLAGE….
Thanks, dear friend. I will remember this as I have a tendency to want to do everything myself and not ask for help…
xo
First I just have to say that your neighbor with 13?? Wow, I’m speechless there! That’s ambitious.
But seriously, when you’re new baby comes along he/she will blend right in to your family. The love is a natural thing and the balance, or psuedo-balance for most of us, evolves. Good luck with the last trimester!
PS. This is Heather from Blogstar.
13, I know, right?!
I will have to remember EVOLUTION. And a new sense of what balance means… thanks for your thoughtful comments!
I remember this feeling well. You already have such a wonderful honesty about where you are at, as opposed to where where you “should” be. I know you will be a fabulous mom of two:).
Shortly before Elora, my second’s birth, I found myself panicking that I would somehow be taking love away from Leah so that I could give it to Elora. This is funny in retrospect. Love somehow becomes exponential. My bar of standards keeps getting knocked down a bit with each one that comes (most days I could care less if my self-dressers’ outfits match, are seasonally appropriate, or are even on inside out or backwards – but at least they are clothed and empowered :), with the exception of good health and nutrition, which seems to have a converse relationship.
I’m excited for you and your family:) What a wonderful transition to experience! Rock it like a boss mama!
Thanks for your comments, Erin. I loved reading them and thinking about them. Thankfully, most of the time I couldn’t care less what Wren wears and empower her to make those choices for herself. But man, does it take for-ev-er. Letting go… probably good to let it go now, eh?
Thanks again!
You’ll be amazed at how after the first day with the new little one you won’t be able to remember life without having 2! In other words, coming from someone with 3 all under the age of 4 1/2, it’ll all work out just fine. Just remember to breathe and try not to hurry, it pisses the toddlers off to no end to be rushed!
We even did the Kid’s Fest the past two days, did some activities and made it out alive!
Renee
Thanks for your encouragement, Renee. I have been made to slow down with Wren lately – you’re right, it totally pisses her off when I try to rush her. But 1.5 hours to get out of the house? Geesh. I guess I better get used to it, eh?
Honestly? I have five, and going from one to two WAS the hardest adjustment. Once you realize that your love does multiply, and your time and attention divide, adding more is no big deal. I remember, though, feeling like you when I was pregnant with number two and asking a friend who already had two the same ages and separation as mine would be how long it took to get used to the new order and she said NINE MONTHS, which freaked me out! It did not take us that long. Tip #1: Baby #1 is suddenly going to seem a lot older and bigger. She is not! So don’t expect more than she is capable of. Tip #2: Be gentle with yourself and don’t expect much for awhile. When #2 was born a friend lent us her collection of Disney movies. For at least the first month, my three-year-old lay on the living room sofa most days while I popped in one movie after another. The world did not end and eventually things got back to (new) normal, and they will for you as well. Good luck!
Thanks for clicking in and sharing your insights. These are very helpful and I will have to revisit them when I feel things spinning out of control, ha!
Nine months seems like a long time, but it DOES zoom by so really, that makes me feel OK. I can do that!
Thanks again, super mama of 5!
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Ashlea,
Lady somehow it all will work out, I have always admired your ability to do it all. At least it looks that way from the outside.
I’m not a perfect mom, wife nor human being. Gary has been pressing the point that our marriage has become complacent & I lost that Lisa spark. Girl I’ll tell you…I through together a simple meal that took me 30 minutes. In that time Alex ripped apart the whole dining room, laundry I had folded, laundry hamper to be laundered, front room of toys and went through a desk drawer full of my crap and scattered all of that too. How the hell do I put on my bubbly wife face when I’m dealing with all this! This is life and I have no idea sometimes how everything is going to work its self out but it does. I am really focusing on being grateful for all that I have, tackling the hard conversations with my husband no matter how much it hurts and I’m scared, loving little Alex as much as I can, and I started to have a straight fruit diet for breakfast starting yesterday & I did my exercises. One day at a time is all we can do.
I know you have enough love in you for a dozen children! You are a brilliant and talented lady!
I believe sometimes when life isn’t as perfect as we want it to be it is exactly the way it meant to be. Life is sometimes messy and beautiful at the same time. I hope this all doesn’t sound too crazy. I’ve had a whirl wind of a night myself. I just believe that it’s all going to be alright. I wish the same for you. Your family is so blessed to have you as their wife and mom.
Thanks for your comments! It really does help to know that other people are going through the same thing. I’m so nervous! AND I made a huge pot of split pea soup last week…LOL. I think we’re going to be okay!
Yes! I think we’re going to be ok – eventually!
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